🔗 Share this article

The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the concept that someone could instantly end all contact with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the words this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to going for someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral habits indicating a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately extinguish any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {