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Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, largely enjoyable years engaging in spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men once more.

Questioning the Possibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I understand that numerous gay men engage in open relationships, yet from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I’m feeling a bit lost.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet a person offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the worth of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.